I'm Finally Bi-Lingual (So Why Can't Folks Understand Me?)

I took a little French in High School and College, but never really progressed beyond introducing myself and asking directions to the library, so that doesn't count as bi-lingual. My first glimpse at my lack of linguistic skills when the Mister and I visited Germany many years ago, and a nine year old boy told us a joke: What do you call someone who speaks three languages? Tri-lingual. What do you call someone who speaks two languages? Bi-Lingual. What do you call someone who speaks only one language? American. Ouch. But true, in my case (the Mister's Spanish is very adequate for everyday life, and very good if you're talking about farming, and his high school/college German is about on a par with my French). The past 15 years or so, however, I have been forced to learn a new language by dint of The Mister's career change. I call it Developer-Speak.

I posted before about the phrase tot-lot, so I won't go over that again. But here is a brief dictionary of some key phrases in Developer-Speak:

Water Feature (or especially, Effective Water Feature). This was formerly known in my household as a fountain, or a pool or pond. People love water, and it is a very attractive means of decorating or symbolizing or entertaining. Effective water has the added requirement that you be able to see and sense and enjoy the feature. The Town of Gilbert likes folks entering Gilbert to be greeted by water, if possible. Thus the Effective Water Feature at the corner of Baseline and Val Vista, the entrance to Val Vista Lakes; it is large, looks refreshing (they keep it clean) has sprays into the air to draw attention, is accessed by many pedestrians - effective. There was a water feature on the outside of what was once Black-Eyed Pea on Alma School across from Fiesta mall that was NOT effective; in fact, unless you looked closely, you wouldn't know it was there. It was a sort of cascading water down a wall effect, and then into a basin below. But at first glance you didn't notice there was water; it's on a busy corner where pedestrians don't walk much, and the cars go by too fast to notice it especially if it's hard to see - ineffective. The Water Feature in front of the Gilbert Library is symbolic; it's modeled after an irrigation ditch with irrigation pipes hanging over the edge. I like it, though they've had a hard time keeping it running properly. An example of entertaining water is out at the Ahwatukee shopping center off Ray Road, or at Kierland or Desert Ridge in Scottsdale. They have those spitting water features that kids (and parents) love; the flat concrete is filled with holes and intermittent spurts of water erupt at different times and in different patterns. Thus far in Morrison Ranch, our effective water features are the lake and it's 50 foot fountain, and the blue fountain in the oasis at the shopping center. Highland Groves will have a double lake, with a fountain, and the First Cousin and I have not yet given up hopes for some entertaining water features someday for our grandchildren.

Edge Condition. Before I picked up this second language, I called this the side of the road. If I called it anything at all; who looks at the side of the road (besides the Mister and the Sixth Man, I mean)? But we do look there, either consciously or subconsciously, and it affects our perception. For example, there are many arterial streets in Mesa with a 5 foot strip of dirt ending at a cinderblock wall, punctuated occasionally by a palo verde tree. Rather sparse and dry feeling, don't you think? Gilbert has high standards for the edge conditions throughout town (the business along Baseline at McQueen is in violation of these standards, and has been for years) and the standard compliance involves plant material, trees, and decomposed granite, a much nicer look, in my opinion, even if it does seem ubiquitous. I am obviously and incontrovertibly biased, of course, but I like Morrison Ranch's edge condition best of all: a strip of turf, dotted with shade trees, met with a two-rail white fence, and another strip of turf.

Turf. This means grass. Why they can't just say grass, I'll never know.

Plant Material. The Mister was backing up in our parking lot the other day and he backed over the edge and just touched the hedge of hibiscus with his bumper. Later, as we left the restaurant, he was backing again, and made the comment, "I was looking for more plant material to back into, but I guess I'll have to be satisfied with curb." The sad thing is that everyone in the car knew he was referring to plants or bushes.

View Corridors. I posted about this earlier, but it refers to the sightline, what one sees when one looks down a street, for example. Here's a picture of an example.

Paving Patterns. This is a favorite topic for the Sixth Man; normally we call it the road or the sidewalk, but the way that areas are laid out in patterns also have a subtle effect on our perceptions. In front of the Albertsons, the drive is made up of three different paving patterns, using stamped concrete (more cost-effective than bricks). The idea is to make that drive along the front feel more pedestrian-oriented, more small-town, rather than the normal hot asphalt.

DG. The never-to-be-sufficiently-vilified decomposed granite is actually used quite liberally throughout Morrison Ranch, but, we hope, judiciously. These are the small pebble rocks that are used around plant material, or next to the houses where plant material is not allowed. DG can be different colors and different sizes, and is fairly easy to maintain. The reason the Mister dislikes it so is that it seems to be used everywhere, all the time, in superabundance, without any break or color; he would rather have dirt.

Bush Balls. This is actually a slang term coined by the Sixth Man. You will remember he was raised in a nursery and has a great regard for plants and their natural growth. Sometimes I think he should have been born a British Gardener, but then where would we be? He loves the plants to grow naturally, with any trimming done to enhance the natural look and keep the plant material under control. But most landscape maintenance in Gilbert isn't done with gardeners, it's done with gas-powered hedge trimmers that shape the plant into neat little balls along the road. This is a real dilemma; the cost is very great to do hand-trimming, yet bush balls are unacceptable. Our solution in Morrison Ranch thus far has been to use more trees and turf, less bushes, and the plant material that we do use is conducive to avoiding bush balls.

Truncated Domes. Actually, this is a tough one, and worthy of it's own post. I'll stop here for now; I hope this facilitates our communication!